For a while now, you have known that the relationship you have with your husband is not working for you. He seems content to let things drift along the way they are, though, and you may worry about all the negative emotions he will feel when you tell him you are done.
How can you make it easier for him and improve your chances of an amicable divorce?
Choose the right time
The middle of an argument may seem like an easy moment to introduce the idea that you want to split up. Actually, it is better to choose a time when you can bring it up calmly and rationally. If possible, choose a weekend or another day off so he does not have to deal with his emotions while on the job.
Choose the right words
Talking around the subject of divorce or trying to drop hints can cause more harm than good. Instead, state your intention and your feelings directly. Setting boundaries is also important. Let him know exactly where you stand. Before you compromise and agree to counseling or a trial separation, make sure that you are open to reviving the relationship; otherwise, you are just prolonging the inevitable and may be making things more difficult.
Expect a reaction
If he truly does not have a clue that you are about to end things, he may lash out in anger. As long as there is no threat to your safety, allow him to say what he needs to say, even if it is hurtful. Getting defensive is likely to lead to blaming and shaming, which will only escalate the hard feelings and reduce the chances that the two of you will be able to work things out amicably.
Seeking the services of a mediator increases the likelihood of a peaceful divorce, as well. Having a neutral third party present to guide your negotiations for property division, alimony and child custody and support can keep your expectations reasonable and your discussions focused.